Next tour: Wed 15 Feb 2012.

Meet: Manchester Visitor Information Centre, directly above the secret state cold war nuclear bunker (believe it) at exactly 2.30pm.

Bring: The documents. Those ones.

Beware: Guides who may not be guides. Fellow walkers who may not be fellow walkers. Tour locations that aren’t tour locations.

End: Citing diplomatic immunity in a third world banana republic while watching a DVD of Our Man In Havana on an endless loop.

For More Information: Please send a s.a.e. to Mr. John Smith, MI9, Whitehall.

****

The following guide to the various security services is top secret information for your eyes only. Read it, print it, memorise it and destroy it.

MI1 – Codebreaking

MI2 – Russia and Scandinavia

MI3 – Eastern Europe

MI4 – Aerial reconnaisance.

MI5 – Internal security.

MI6 – Protecting Britain’s interests overseas.

MI8 – Military communication interception.

MI9 – Covert operations.

MI14 – German specialists.

MI15 – German specialists.

MI17 – extraterrestrial matters.

MI19 – PoW debriefing.